What's hot in China right now

Right. China. It was ace, thanks for asking, and I came back with trinkets and knickknacks and a bit of a muffin top from such things as breakfast coke. I ate more fast food in two weeks than I normally do in two years. I had no self control at meals - and why would I when dumplings and Peking duck and hot pot are on the table? It would be rude to not hoe on in like a four-year-old who's spotted a chocolate bar at a birthday party. Or myself having spotted a defenceless four-year-old holding a chocolate bar.

And now, instead of a long essay about the things I did and how amazing they were, I am going to talk to you about fashion. Every country has its own fashion - over here in Aus, jandals go with everything. Frenchmen look good in cardigans. And in China, women like to wear flesh-coloured ankle high stockings with their heels and skirts. Somewhat sadly for the women of China, despite the stockings being flesh coloured, they are still highly visible. Often they create a sort of ankle muffin top. To my eyes, they actually quite hideous. But I'm certainly no Vogue editor and they are extremely popular so I clearly have no idea about what is hot.

Moving right along. Invisible bra straps. Like the aforementioned ankle stocking - these are not actually invisible. No one looks good wearing invisible bra straps. You merely look as though your underwear is made of some very cheap sort of plastic bag.

Saving the best for last - glasses with no lenses. I loved this. Glasses are tres cool but if you don't need them then all you need are frames! It took us a bit to work out what was going on but a guide confirmed for us that yes, glassless glasses are so in right now. Mostly just among the teens though. Traveling as I was with three wearers of optical help, I was sorely tempted to make Will, Sarah and Tim that much more fashionable but suspected they enjoy being uncool. And able to see.

And that was China. Good times, folks. Good times.

Smashing China

I have a great deal to write about intriguing fashions worn by people in China that I will be attempting to start a craze for here, but something much more important has come up and we need to focus on that instead.

While I was shamelessly touristing round the Far East, a decision was made by my higher ups back here in the Sydney office to terminate the free Tim Tams. I am under no illusions about the 'coincidence' that this decision was made while I was absent. A hunger strike for free biscuits covered in dark chocolate hiding a smooth creamy centre seems a little ridiculous so I think the only way to get round the Tim Tam prohibition is to buy my own - and sell them at an astronomical price to those workmates I know cannot resist. I will, in effect, become a Tim Tam dealer. Already I can see that some co-workers are suffering the shakes from being deprived of their favourite biscuit, so really, I'm being a good samaritan.

In the mean time, RIP breakfast Tim Tam. We had some good times. I'll miss you. There were days where I thought you were the only one who understood.

Signs I'm a corporate wanker

I just spent $9 on a sandwich. Twenty-three year old me is horrified. But likes my dress.