The not so silent sounds of me getting dirty with a bagel

I am eating bagel of such deliciousness that I fear a unicorn might have died in the making of it.

Except I made it so I know that didn't happen.

We go on a wine hunt

We found a lot. My gallant companions (Charles and Mary) and I, driven by our not necessarily faithful and definitely quite abusive companion, Tim, went out fully prepared with wallets containing credit cards and mouths ready to sip and spit and make faces behind the backs of dedicated wine makers who do, sadly, spout a great deal of nonsense. So do I, but mine is at least all sorts of nonsense and not just specifically in regards to squashed grapes.

We drank some, we tipped some out, we nodded some, Mary got points for knowing fancy words and I behaved like a spoiled Sydney wanker.

Look - if someone serves you a soy chai latte (my wanky non-boozy drink of choice) and it tastes like coffee and when you complain you are informed that chai latte syrup contains coffee (LIES) I really do think you have the right to be a wanker. I was informed by my wait person that all the shops in Sydney serve chai lattes made from such syrup. It was at this point I uttered, 'I'm FROM Sydney and that's not how chai latte is made there'. Wanker? Yes. But really - it's a chai latte. Not a java chai latte (which Mary kindly looked up on her nerd phone and it's a real thing).

I think we ran away at this point.

Despite that small blip, it was an ace weekend, although Tim failed to get his girly cocktails for the spa and had to make do with dessert wine but I don't really care about Tim so, yeah, it was ace. Nerd conversations abounded, an obscene amount of cheese was hoovered up (there's no polite way to describe how we ate that cheese) and we stayed at a brewery - although that did let us down in the case of the ginger beer. Which was explained to us as being a beer flavoured with ginger - actual ginger mind you, not that other stuff. They also had chilli chocolate porter. Novelty beers sold in champagne magnums? I'll take two please! Which is when Charles and I discovered the folly of waiting until the last moment to purchase crazy beer flavours. They'd sold out of most of them. We gnashed our teeth and pulled out our hair and decided we'd just have to come back again (fabulous marketing ploy).

Things that don't go with wine - toothpaste. The difficulties of wine tasting straight after breakfast.

Warnings I would like to see

Do not touch the white Tim Tams for they are the source of much unhappiness.

Last few updates have all been a trifle food obsessed. Ha - trifle! Oh dear LORD I need to stop finding myself hilarious because I am beginning to suspect I'm not.

Very little of interest aside from food-related happenings has gone down lately - but this weekend Tim and I are escorting Charles and Mary to the Hunter Valley where I have no doubt much wine will be consumed and a fair amount of trash will be talked. WhatI find amusing about the Hunter Valley is that somehow by going to visit wineries, an air of sophistication is given to what is basically the guzzling of free booze, disguised as 'tastings'. We are also staying at some place with a brewery. For Charles, you understand.

And in the best news since my discovery that you can get vegetarian oyster sauce, Nic and Kajal are back and they got me a royal wedding commemorative thimble. I am so touched. Because although I am a spinster, I was lacking a thimble. My tea towel collection is coming along nicely though.

Cooking with failure

Where I manage to fail at the simple task of cooking fish. Inedible and in my bin.