Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Invisible bacon gets the X-Factor

Caesar salad has bacon, among several other things. Boiled egg sometimes creeps in, and it should be kicked out and across the restaurant. Soft boiled or poached, thank you. But back to the pig - no bacon makes for a sad Caesar. One that has lost its toga and laurel leaves. And this was the state of my salad last week. Heavy on the lettuce, big on the evil boiled egg and massive on the invisible bacon. Rome has fallen, I thought.

But I perked up on Saturday because we had a dress up party to attend. Full of reedeeculous Europeans with great hair and hilarious accents. Sebastian, or Sea Bass as we fondly call him - I think he just thinks we're mangling his name with our antipodean accents - informs Nic that the theme is bad superheroes. At about 5pm we decide we should probably do something about costumes. And panic because we have, of course, left it a bit late to do any more than come up with stuff from around the house. Sometimes though, the best costumes are those you source from under the kitchen sink. In this case we managed to come up with Super Mario, Poison Ivy and Mexican Wrestling Barbie. What? You don't have a pink wrestling mask squirreled away at your house? Odd.

Anyway, we swan off to the do, feeling pretty chuffed with our free and awesome costumes. We arrive. Everyone's in costume, some in very weird costumes, and we get some strange looks, but hell, these people are crazy French and German and Finns and whatnot, so whatever. One woman appears to have a giant snail attached to her back ...

We meet some other Kiwis, who have LAME costumes. A straw hat does not a costume make. Apparently this chap is farmer. We look puzzled. It's a Kiwi hero, no? I guess - I mean, my dad is a total hero. But he doesn't wear a straw hat. And this joker can't even do a farmer's squat. I have to show him how, but in pink platforms it doesn't quite have the effect it ought. And he asks what we are, and we inform him proudly of our radness and he says, 'I thought the theme was bad heroes from your own country'. We look at Sea Bass. He nods in a reedeeculous French way. We glare at him and protest that this is NOT what he told us. There is, as you may have guessed, a small difference between a general bad superhero and one from your own country. But several of the costumes make more sense now.

So I just tell people that a Mexican Wrestling Barbie won NZ X-Factor. Apparently this is quite plausible because they nod. As for Ali, dressed as Poison Ivy? She's English - we're sure she can pass for a WAG. Nic as Super Mario does pose a problem but he's having such a good time with his fake moustache that we just leave him to it.

And, in final news, I get an Oren tomorrow. Luke's floating about this country somewhere and Karen gets back on Monday. Friends, Romans, Countrymen, some bacon would make this day perfect.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Naming and shaking

I had a dream this morning that I was dating former wrestler turned actor Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson but had to break up with him because I loathe the name Dwayne. (This seems fair, no?) I was trying to ask if he had a better middle name. But then my dad discovered both a diamond mine and a Lego mine in the garden, so all my attention was taken up on that. A Lego mine – how awesomely hilarious would that be.

Christchurch = earthquake central. Somehow I thought Wellington would have gotten a big shake up first. Mother Nature, oooh she's a cunning one. So predictable with her winter/summer/spring/autumn games and then she tries to mix it up a little with ridiculous results. I, for one, shall be writing a letter of complaint.